Tuesday, September 20

Another Tuesday

Today, I went to my institute class. We are studying the Old Testament and today in-particular, discussed Noah, the Tower of Babel, and the Abrahamic Covenant. I really enjoy this class! The instructor has a fantastic way of encouraging discussion. One question he asked us, was this:

What blessings have you personally received that are solely due to the Gospel of Jesus Christ (as taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)? Up to this point, the class had been great. Good discussions, good feeling all around. But when this question was introduced to the class, the feeling changed. There seemed to be much more substance.

I realize that since I have moved back to Utah, my spiritual growth has ceased where it should have grown. I acknowledge that this is my own fault and hope to remedy that very quickly. After-all, nowhere else in my life do I feel that I can belong so surely.

I love my life in this respect. I love what I have been taught my whole life. I love knowing who I am, and why I am on the earth. I acknowledge that not everyone has the gifts that I have. Not everyone has had it as easy as I have. What a blessing to be available to the way of life I feel so deeply. I have been remiss in not working my hardest so that I may be a source of information to others. This isn't very easy to write about here. It feels so public and I fear I don't have the gift of words right now. This is all I have right now. I wrote them both awhile ago:

It's been so long, I don't remember what it feels like to see joy in the physical.

It's all good and bad, but the happy times are harder to remember;
And they don't last nearly long enough.
The only burning I feel is a choice gone bad,
and I know as soon as I go back, it will feel like time went by in a blur.
I long for the security of His promise and I want to go home.
"Oh Father, isn't there anyway we can be friends again?"

Joy in the Physical
I have remembered my joy.

I have re-invented my momentum.
These conversations have steadied my hand
and helped remind me to keep the noises away.
Excitement surrounds my pulse and vibrates through my veins like an electric charge.
Remember your joy. Find your words.
Look deeper and farther past your today than you ever have before.
It is not all chance.
It is not all your doing.
There is one who loves greater than is fathomable.
He will hold your joy, and He will keep your momentum electric.
This is where I come from and I am grateful for this gift.

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