Tuesday, October 12
Tuesday, March 2
When you look toward the light, the shadows fall behind you.
We had the kids over this weekend and had a great time. For those who know me, you've understood the struggle I have had with getting Shane's kids to be more comfortable in our situation. Things have been tense in the past, as we all struggle to learn new techniques in communication as well as getting used to divorce and new beginnings.
Once we moved into the house/got married, I had hoped things would get better. I am not sure if marriage made any difference, but having a house, with plenty of room to flap our elbows around has definitely helped us all turn a corner in our relationships. (having a new puppy doesn't hurt either!)
I have felt the promise of a growing attachment with Shane's kids on both sides these past few times they have come to visit. Shane is working on his relationship with their mother, and I am grateful that it seems he is healing a bit over the past few years of struggle.
The kids WANT to come visit! They try to finagle excuses to stay longer and we've all decided to work it out so that we can even have them with us on a Sunday morning so we can all go to church together.
There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.
Once we moved into the house/got married, I had hoped things would get better. I am not sure if marriage made any difference, but having a house, with plenty of room to flap our elbows around has definitely helped us all turn a corner in our relationships. (having a new puppy doesn't hurt either!)
I have felt the promise of a growing attachment with Shane's kids on both sides these past few times they have come to visit. Shane is working on his relationship with their mother, and I am grateful that it seems he is healing a bit over the past few years of struggle.
The kids WANT to come visit! They try to finagle excuses to stay longer and we've all decided to work it out so that we can even have them with us on a Sunday morning so we can all go to church together.
There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thursday, February 18
Wednesday, December 31
The Calm After the Storm
As Christmas has passed, and the decorations put away, I have decided to put a little more effort into writing. These last 2 years have been fairly void of news, and I miss having something I can read to remind me of fun thoughts and events.
This Christmas was great. Shane decided to get started on shopping back in October, so we went a bit crazy on the kids. You know you've done well, when the kids all exclaim, "We got a lot of presents this year! Its my favorite Christmas ever!"
Whoo hoo! score for the wicked step-mother!
After waiting all morning for the kids to arrive in Salt Lake about 3pm, we rushed to Shane's Mothers house and visted with her for about an hour, scrambled back to our apartment where the present opening frenzy began.
Afterwards, we drove to Grantsville to spend time with my family. All in all, it was a phenomenal day. Everyone ended up happy and content.
I will have to write more later on some of the fun that took place, but as I am at work, I have to so a little something before they hopefully let me go home early.
Cheers all!
This Christmas was great. Shane decided to get started on shopping back in October, so we went a bit crazy on the kids. You know you've done well, when the kids all exclaim, "We got a lot of presents this year! Its my favorite Christmas ever!"
Whoo hoo! score for the wicked step-mother!
After waiting all morning for the kids to arrive in Salt Lake about 3pm, we rushed to Shane's Mothers house and visted with her for about an hour, scrambled back to our apartment where the present opening frenzy began.
Afterwards, we drove to Grantsville to spend time with my family. All in all, it was a phenomenal day. Everyone ended up happy and content.
I will have to write more later on some of the fun that took place, but as I am at work, I have to so a little something before they hopefully let me go home early.
Cheers all!
Tuesday, December 23
Lynn who?
I just had to post this. Not sure if anyone reads this anymore since...well...I don't write! Hah hah!
I got a phone call tonight from someone very friendly. I answered, he said "Becky! This is Lynn! How are you doing? I haven't talked to you in forever! How are you doing?
What could I do? I wracked my brain, trying to remember someone named Lynn.. He asked me how I was doing, how the kids were doing...how everyone at work was doing.
Oddest conversation ever. He mentioned that he was in Colorado and lovin life. Was getting ready to get married and everything was fantastic. He felt bad, cuz we hadn't talked in about a year.
Lynn...Lynn...who the hell is Lynn? I felt bad about this time, as I had been following the conversation as if I KNEW this person. And honestly, I wasn't sure if I didn't. I am terrible.
So, after the awkward silences between his questions and my one word answers, he made plans to stop by on his vacation to Salt Lake...on or around January 3rd. Told me to tell Dennis (Dennis?!) hello, and signed off.
So, apparently, someone named Lynn from Colorado, is thinking he talked to a Becky he knows...and is going to show up somewhere in Utah to see the family. What a surprise for Becky and Dennis!
I got a phone call tonight from someone very friendly. I answered, he said "Becky! This is Lynn! How are you doing? I haven't talked to you in forever! How are you doing?
What could I do? I wracked my brain, trying to remember someone named Lynn.. He asked me how I was doing, how the kids were doing...how everyone at work was doing.
Oddest conversation ever. He mentioned that he was in Colorado and lovin life. Was getting ready to get married and everything was fantastic. He felt bad, cuz we hadn't talked in about a year.
Lynn...Lynn...who the hell is Lynn? I felt bad about this time, as I had been following the conversation as if I KNEW this person. And honestly, I wasn't sure if I didn't. I am terrible.
So, after the awkward silences between his questions and my one word answers, he made plans to stop by on his vacation to Salt Lake...on or around January 3rd. Told me to tell Dennis (Dennis?!) hello, and signed off.
So, apparently, someone named Lynn from Colorado, is thinking he talked to a Becky he knows...and is going to show up somewhere in Utah to see the family. What a surprise for Becky and Dennis!
Tuesday, October 7
Tonights Debate
I have only one issue.
I KNOW how much money I make. I KNOW how much money I can spend on my rent/mortgage. I was pre-approved for well more than I KNEW I could afford to pay each month if I chose to buy a house.
Because I KNOW that I couldn't afford the payments if I bought a home for the amount I was approved for, I opted to rent for a bit longer.
Joe Shmoe knew he couldn't afford his new shiny quarter-million dollar home, but since the bank or the mortgage company pre-approved his loan, he bought the damn thing anyway, and not surprisingly, foreclosed on it.
Is it my fault he was greedy? Is it my fault he couldn't afford his mortgage; the one he signed in agreement to pay????
Why the hell should I vote for a guy who says. "Hey, I know you can't afford your mortgage, I will take tax payers money, pay off what you KNEW you couldn't afford, and let you keep the house you fraudulently bought."
WTF?!
What happens to the Americans who are honest? Who opt to rent until they could take care of things so that they were in a better position to buy a house they could keep? We pay the taxes. We pay, out of our retirement plans, and 401k's. We pay by getting a 3% raise (if we are damn lucky) in an economy where the cost of living is increaseing at a 5 or 10% rate.
And Joe Schmoe gets a house he couldn't afford. Hell, I want a house I can't afford, but I am not going to sell my soul to get it.
But apparently, its the only way to stay afloat in this country.
Claim bankruptcy. Load up the credit cards. Slide out of paying bills. Hell, even if I signed the credit card slip at the grocery store...I can find a way to get out of paying the bill when it comes due. These people are why we are in an economic crisis! When you are honest in your dealings with your fellow man, you are paying the way for those who are not. No applause...no pat on the back... no tax credit for you, because our country is too busy bailing out those who are dishonest.
I KNOW how much money I make. I KNOW how much money I can spend on my rent/mortgage. I was pre-approved for well more than I KNEW I could afford to pay each month if I chose to buy a house.
Because I KNOW that I couldn't afford the payments if I bought a home for the amount I was approved for, I opted to rent for a bit longer.
Joe Shmoe knew he couldn't afford his new shiny quarter-million dollar home, but since the bank or the mortgage company pre-approved his loan, he bought the damn thing anyway, and not surprisingly, foreclosed on it.
Is it my fault he was greedy? Is it my fault he couldn't afford his mortgage; the one he signed in agreement to pay????
Why the hell should I vote for a guy who says. "Hey, I know you can't afford your mortgage, I will take tax payers money, pay off what you KNEW you couldn't afford, and let you keep the house you fraudulently bought."
WTF?!
What happens to the Americans who are honest? Who opt to rent until they could take care of things so that they were in a better position to buy a house they could keep? We pay the taxes. We pay, out of our retirement plans, and 401k's. We pay by getting a 3% raise (if we are damn lucky) in an economy where the cost of living is increaseing at a 5 or 10% rate.
And Joe Schmoe gets a house he couldn't afford. Hell, I want a house I can't afford, but I am not going to sell my soul to get it.
But apparently, its the only way to stay afloat in this country.
Claim bankruptcy. Load up the credit cards. Slide out of paying bills. Hell, even if I signed the credit card slip at the grocery store...I can find a way to get out of paying the bill when it comes due. These people are why we are in an economic crisis! When you are honest in your dealings with your fellow man, you are paying the way for those who are not. No applause...no pat on the back... no tax credit for you, because our country is too busy bailing out those who are dishonest.
Wednesday, October 1
Ode to the Smell of Wood by Pablo Neruda
translated by Jodey Bateman
Late, with the stars
open in the cold
I open the door.
The sea
galloped
in the night.
Like a hand
from the dark house
came the intense
aroma
of firewood in the pile.
The aroma was visible
as
if the tree
were alive.
As if it still breathed.
Visible
like a garment.
Visible
like a broken branch.
I walked
into
the house
surrounded
by that balsam-flavored
darkenss.
Outside
the points
in the sky sparkled
like magnetic stones
and the smell of the wood
touched
my heart
like some fingers,
like jasmine,
like certain memories.
It wasn't the sharp smell
of the pines,
no,
it wasn't
the break in the skin
of the eucalyptus,
neither was it
the green perfumes
of the grapevine stalk,
but
something more secret,
because that fragrance
only one
only one
time existed,
and there, of all I have seen in the world
in my own house at night, next to the winter sea,
was waiting for me
the smell
of the deepest rose,
the heart cut from the earth,
something that invaded me like a wave
breaking loose
from time
and it lost itself in me
when I opened the door
of the night.
Late, with the stars
open in the cold
I open the door.
The sea
galloped
in the night.
Like a hand
from the dark house
came the intense
aroma
of firewood in the pile.
The aroma was visible
as
if the tree
were alive.
As if it still breathed.
Visible
like a garment.
Visible
like a broken branch.
I walked
into
the house
surrounded
by that balsam-flavored
darkenss.
Outside
the points
in the sky sparkled
like magnetic stones
and the smell of the wood
touched
my heart
like some fingers,
like jasmine,
like certain memories.
It wasn't the sharp smell
of the pines,
no,
it wasn't
the break in the skin
of the eucalyptus,
neither was it
the green perfumes
of the grapevine stalk,
but
something more secret,
because that fragrance
only one
only one
time existed,
and there, of all I have seen in the world
in my own house at night, next to the winter sea,
was waiting for me
the smell
of the deepest rose,
the heart cut from the earth,
something that invaded me like a wave
breaking loose
from time
and it lost itself in me
when I opened the door
of the night.
Tuesday, September 9
update
The summer days are almost gone! I can't believe how quickly these past few months have sped by.
Not too many thing have changed these days. My niece was baptized on Saturday, as was Shane's daughter. At my nieces baptism, her little sister ran up to me when I got to the church. I asked her if she was happy for Haven, and her response was, "I'm gonna cry I am so happy for Haven's baptism." She is 4.
We had a family reunion with all of my Dad's family. This annual reunion gets harder every year for me. Not that I don't enjoy my cousins and all, but without my Grandparents, it seems so different.
With the economy being so crappy, we've had quite a few structural changes at my job. While my job hasn't been one of those changes, my boss has. She is great! She's the kind of person who you like to work harder for. This lady is phenomenal. I'm not sure how long she has had cancer, but it has been a long rough road for her. Throughout her trials, she keeps an extremely positive attitude. Sure, she has her days where she would rather embrace the mad, but I've seen her physically stop in her tracks, take a deep breath, and put a smile on her face before continuing on her way.
It's good to have that kind of example around everyday.
Especially when things at home are so sad. Shane's kids have moved to Brigham City. Their mother decided to move there, buy a house and look for a job. So that will definitely make a difficult situation more difficult. It hurts my heart that she would do this. Not only are the kids getting older, but now they will be farther away. We all know how much teenagers want to spend time with their parents. Shane will be lucky to have any relationship with them at all. I just can't understand how someone who claims to know God, can be so heartless to his children.
At any rate, that is how things will be. Nothing we can do about it but hope for a day when justice will be served.
Anyway, I am off to work!
Not too many thing have changed these days. My niece was baptized on Saturday, as was Shane's daughter. At my nieces baptism, her little sister ran up to me when I got to the church. I asked her if she was happy for Haven, and her response was, "I'm gonna cry I am so happy for Haven's baptism." She is 4.
We had a family reunion with all of my Dad's family. This annual reunion gets harder every year for me. Not that I don't enjoy my cousins and all, but without my Grandparents, it seems so different.
With the economy being so crappy, we've had quite a few structural changes at my job. While my job hasn't been one of those changes, my boss has. She is great! She's the kind of person who you like to work harder for. This lady is phenomenal. I'm not sure how long she has had cancer, but it has been a long rough road for her. Throughout her trials, she keeps an extremely positive attitude. Sure, she has her days where she would rather embrace the mad, but I've seen her physically stop in her tracks, take a deep breath, and put a smile on her face before continuing on her way.
It's good to have that kind of example around everyday.
Especially when things at home are so sad. Shane's kids have moved to Brigham City. Their mother decided to move there, buy a house and look for a job. So that will definitely make a difficult situation more difficult. It hurts my heart that she would do this. Not only are the kids getting older, but now they will be farther away. We all know how much teenagers want to spend time with their parents. Shane will be lucky to have any relationship with them at all. I just can't understand how someone who claims to know God, can be so heartless to his children.
At any rate, that is how things will be. Nothing we can do about it but hope for a day when justice will be served.
Anyway, I am off to work!
Friday, August 15
A light at the end of the tunnel
Don't lose faith in me yet. I am still here....if anyone even checks this anymore....
Thursday, May 1
pointless
The boxes are being packed. The storage is filling up. There are a million things that I need to be home doing right now. And yet I am at work. Sitting at a pristine desk, typing this on a pristine keyboard trying to look busy.
My bosses are not in today or tomorrow and because so, I almost didn't get tomorrow off to move. Its lucky for me that I was able to insist the time off. I have absolutely nothing to do at this moment, and haven't since I came back from lunch, except clean my desk and dust out my keyboard.
tick tock, tick tock, 50 minutes to go.
My bosses are not in today or tomorrow and because so, I almost didn't get tomorrow off to move. Its lucky for me that I was able to insist the time off. I have absolutely nothing to do at this moment, and haven't since I came back from lunch, except clean my desk and dust out my keyboard.
tick tock, tick tock, 50 minutes to go.
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